I’ve not posted anything for about a month now. Actually, probably longer in reality. After coming back from Coachella I had some serious holiday blues. It felt so weird returning from a holiday and arriving in France, not back home in England. It made me miss home even more and made the remaining two months that were left feel even longer. It’s been quite hard since I got back, school has been difficult recently and I’ve really lacked motivation. Honestly, if there wasn’t such a short amount of time left I would have been very tempted not to go back. BUT, I’m not a quitter so I’ve persevered and now only have 3 more lessons left!
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’ve had some serious ups and downs whilst I’ve been here in France. I’m a real home bird so being away has been difficult for me…it’s the longest I’ve gone without going back to my parents house which is where I consider my ‘happy’ place to be. That’s tough. Whenever I needed to escape London or wanted a break, I got on a train to Suffolk and spent a few days in the countryside forgetting the hustle and bustle of the city. I can literally feel the stress and anxiety leave as I get further away from Liverpool Street station. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a real worrier. I have anxiety about any number of things worry and at the moment that worry seems to be focused on the future. What am I going to do when I get back? Am I going to find a job? What am I going to do about money? And of course, what have I been doing to help with this? Pretty much burying my head in the sand and watching too much Netflix.
Ok, that’s not entirely true but I have calmed down a little on the extra French work and upped the search for a job. I’ve also probably watched a little too much tv in a bid to procrastinate from what I REALLY need to be doing. I’ve not really had to go through the formal job application system before and it’s quite hard! It takes time to find the vacancies, prepare your cover letter and then often you need to fill out an additional application form. I know it’ll take a while and I know I’m going to get a lot of rejections so I’m trying to stay positive about the process. I’m a big believer that the right thing will come along when it’s supposed to, whenever that might be. Hopefully before I run out of money 😂.
Now enough of the negative Nancy vibes, I’ve had some really great times recently too. My sister, brother-in-law and two nephews came out for the weekend a few weeks ago and we had the best time. If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know I lived with them just before coming out so it was so nice to be together again. I get to be a big kid when my nephews are around and we had so much fun exploring Paris. I also visited Île de Ré with my host family which was so nice. The island is beautiful and we were really lucky with the weather. It reminded me a lot of home which I loved. Cycling around, eating fresh seafood and having fun at the beach was ideal and just what I needed. I’m really looking forward to going back in a couple of weeks. Then last weekend two of my best friends visited, it was SO SO nice to spend quality time with them. As only two of us live in London we normally only get snippets of time all together, an evening or the odd afternoon so it was really special to have a whole weekend to have fun and make more memories. We’ve been through so much together and time together like that just reminds me how lucky I am to have friends like that. It’s the best having people come out to visit, especially when I’m this close to the end.
I literally have five weeks, almost to the day left and in all honesty I’m really ready to leave now. There are so many things I miss about being home and although I don’t want to wish my time away I’m looking forward to getting on that flight back to London. The blog was always intended to be something I could use to remember my time here and to keep my friends and family updated with what I’m doing. Seeing as I’m coming back there doesn’t seem much point in continuing with it (not that it’s read by that many people 😂) but we’ll see how I feel. In the meantime I’m going to make the most of my remaining weeks and get as prepared as I can for life back in the UK!